Louie and Genosaurus Rex ah ringin’ in a hell of a Christmas Eve, you know what I’m saying? and they want YOUSE to have a happy, safe, and most of all, WICKED PISSAH Christmas, too! Make showa you got a designated drivah, kid, and have a happy fahkin’ holiday, guy, you know what I’m sayin? See ya at the Packy on Thursday for the reload!
Hank the Iguanodon had managed to get out of the holding cell at the Fort Livingroom Police Department…but now what? He needed to get the hell out of town, in a damn hurry. He knew that outside of the apartment, there were these things, called “cars” that went places, far far away. He needed to get in one…and fast. Sheriff Woody and the full might of the Fort Livingroom Police Department were on his tail, and he wasn’t going down for a murder he didn’t commit. He needed to get away, to get some breathing room. To think. To plan.
To figure out who set him up…and how to clear his name.
Sheriff Woody was speechless. A jaibreak? In Fort Livingroom? Hank the Iguanodon, a suspected killer, was on the loose. This was going to be a problem – the Mayor, Sir Topham Hatt, was going to be PISSED. Sheriff Woody needed to find Hank, and fast.
The Meet
Carl and Tracey met on Dinomatch.com. Carl posted, “I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne – you’re not into yoga, and have half a brain.” Tracey was enchanted by his straight-forward approach to life and his devotion to his friends; ten minutes into their first date, she knew he was “the one.”
Good Eats
The Local Farmer’s Market was a regular stop for Carl and Tracey on date nights; both being committed locavores, they were proud supporters of their neighborhood agricultural businesses.
Art for Art’s Sake
Tracey had spent years babysitting neighborhood hatchlings and, though she was secretly a little self-conscious about it, really enjoyed coloring. Carl, who’d very much enjoyed his art classes in high school, didn’t see anything wrong with grown dinosaurs indulging in fun art projects, and was always on the lookout for good coloring books to share with Tracey.
Once Upon A Time In The West
The Gang loved Tracey. Not just because she made Carl so happy, but also because of her joie de vivre, easy-going nature and sense of humor. The Gang’s Big Screen Movie Nite was an event Tracey never missed, even when the The Gang wanted to watch yet another spaghetti western.
Coffee, Cake & Conversation
Carl was a notorious espresso freak; Tracey wasn’t partial to coffee herself, but did enjoy a nice cake-pop. They’d spend a few hours every week just shooting the breeze, talking current events and movies and music while getting hopped up on caffeine and sugar. Carl loved how much Tracey knew about the world and how things worked; he considered himself the luckiest guy in the world, to be with a lady who was so darn smart and worldly.
When word got out that Sheriff Woody had apprehended Hank the Iguanodon, he had no idea that he’d be facing down an angry mob. The Gang and friends had come looking for justice. Street justice. It was tense for a few minutes, but the Sheriff was able to talk the boys down and keep the mob from running wild.
“This was no accident,” said Sheriff Woody of the Fort Livingroom Police Department. This security camera image shows the suspect that FLPD say they are currently pursuing in the case of the homicide of Carl the Stegosaurus. (Reuters)
AUTHORITIES RULE STEGOSAURUS DEATH A HOMICIDE
Suspect captured on security camera; police following ‘solid’ lead
FORT LIVINGROOM, NOVEMBER 28 (Reuters) – Authorities have ruled the death of local resident, Carl the Stegosaurus, a homicide. While the police have not named the suspect – captured in the act by a security camera, as seen in the image obtained by Reuters – a spokesperson has said that the Fort Livingroom Police Department has a “solid” lead and is pursuing it vigorously.
“Well, guys, I hate to say it, but this was no accident,” Sheriff Woody of the Fort Livingroom PD said in an early-morning press conference. “We have a suspect and a warrant, and expect an arrest soon,” he said. Sheriff Woody declined to answer questions from the press, citing the need to protect the investigation’s progress. “Of course, our deepest sympathy goes out to Carl’s companion, Tracey Triceratops, and all of his friends and family,” he said. After a momentary pause, he added, “There’s a snake in my boot!”
Carl The Stegosaurus (Reuters)
Carl the Stegosaurus, a long-time Fort Livingroom resident and respected small business owner, was found dead in the toaster oven on November 24th by friends, who’d gone looking for him when he didn’t return from a snack run to the kitchen. The cause of death was found by the coroner to be “baking for 10 minutes at 425°” and was initially ruled as death by misadventure.
However, new evidence came to light in the very early hours of November 28th, as authorities reviewed security camera footage that had been delayed in delivery to Police HQ. The footage – the source of the still image obtained by Reuters – clearly shows that Carl the Stegosaurus had been lured into the toaster oven with several juicy, ripe, sweet-as-all-get-out strawberries, and then closed inside the oven and baked by the alleged murderer, apparently an Iguanodon, who sources say may have had ties to the victim. Police have not released the suspect’s name as of Thursday morning.
Tracey Triceratops, Carl’s longtime companion and a fixture in the local music scene, could not be reached for comment. Tyrannosaurus Lou, a spokesman for Carl’s family and friends asked the press to respect Tracey and The Gang’s need for privacy in this time of grief, and praised the Fort Livingroom PD’s quick action. “We’re confident that Sheriff Woody and his deputies will bring the bad guy in,” he said. “Although I gotta say it: that Iguanodon – and we ALL know who it is – had better hope Sheriff Woody finds him before, you know, some other folks do. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go line up some Xanax and a therapist for Tracey.”
This ghastly incident has rocked the otherwise quiet community of Fort Livingroom, which hasn’t seen a violent crime since the New Earlier Bedtime Riots of 2011. Pastor Jah Lion of The 1st Church of Zion and several other community leaders have since blamed the crime on rock n’ roll, a loosening of morals among the youth, and a sense of complacency in the general population.
When Tracey Triceratops was brought low with grief and despair over the loss of her love, her long-time friend & spin class buddy, Hank the Iguanodon was her rock. With tissues, ice cream, some wine, and a shoulder to cry on, he was there for her in her time of need.
The tragic passing of their friend Carl the Stegosaurus hit the gang pretty hard. After the services, things got a little bit out of hand. Mad Mike the Ankylosaurus, who’d roomed with Carl back in school, was particularly devastated.
Overcome by grief, Carl’s long-time companion Tracey Triceratops had one last caress for her lost beloved. As Carl’s cousin, Cleophus, looked on, Tracey told the congregation, “Carl was just so full of love. He was one in a million.”
Carl The Stegosaurus was a simple creature; but what he lacked in brains he more than made up for in humor, compassion and loyalty. As Pastor Jah Lion noted at services in Carl’s honor, respect and admiration for Carl was widespread, even beyond the dinosaur community.
